Monster Catchers
by peach petal9
Summary: The crew has been hired to catch monsters for a money hungry businessman. See if they can catch all of the monsters in the beastiary without getting killed!
1. Spiran Calm Lands

Here's a new story that I hope you enjoy. I don't own any of these characters and don't be alarmed if you see a few crossovers.

Rufus flies onto a wide open plain covered with hills and small shrubbery. He gets out and walks up to the screen.

"Now you are about to see a superior show which will take you on an exciting trip to distant lands to catch rare and magnificent creatures. We at Free Agent X bring you… Monster Catchers."

Tidus and his party walk up to Rufus. "Are we on? Alright, I can't tell you how much this show is going to rock! We are here in the beautiful Spiran Calm Lands. I am Tidus and guys, would you like to introduce yourselves?"

Rikku jumps up and down. "Oh yeah! Hi, I'm Rikku and I'm an Al Behd. I'd usually get all into it and stuff but we've got to watch out for the monster's condition since we are supposed to catch them alive."

Meanwhile, Braska comes up smiling with his camera on his shoulder. "Hey Rikku, if you don't mind standing there for a moment, I'd like to get a shot of you there."

Rikku swirls around to face the older man and blushes. "Oh really? You want to film me?"

Braska nods. "Yeah, I want to get this thing set up for when you guys hunt. So, good luck to you all and let's make our first show a smash."

"Hee hee, thank you." Rikku gushes.

"So where should I stand?" Lulu asks, swiping a lock of hair from her face.

Braska points to a spot behind Rikku. "Let's see, how about over there."

Zone hops out of the helicopter holding a large boom microphone. "Hey guys, I'm totally new to this area. Are you sure you can catch-

Before he can finish, his mike strikes Lulu right between her breasts. She gives him a frosty look. Zone takes notice of the busty woman and goes beet red.

"Whoops! Don't worry, it's fuzzy so it doesn't hurt to get hit." He stammers out still focused on her chest.

"Really," she says as she snatches it out of his hands. "Let's see if that's true." She strikes him on the head.

"Ouch!"

"Do that again, and I'll electrocute you."

"Ah yes, that reminds me," Rufus steps in, "everyone must gather round. I'll have to go over some rules and regulations."

Tidus nods and motions for everyone to huddle and Auron, Yuna, and Kimahri step in closer to the man in the white suit.

"Right, the producer's gonna talk."

Rufus steps back from them. "Right, of course you all realize this show's purpose is to catch money—(cough) I mean monsters. So they must be intact. Also I'd like for you to look around at this valuable equipment…None of it should be damaged or else it comes out of your pay. I understand you will need weapons to help subdue the creatures so," He pulls out a brown sack, "here are your weapons and armor and junk."

He tosses it to Tidus, who begins to distribute the items, but Lulu snatches out of his hands. She rummages through it.

"What the hell is this? You didn't buy this from a real shop! BAG OF ICE SPELL? That's not a spell!"

Tidus just laughs nervously. "heh heh. Okay Lulu, just calm down. I'm sure everything will be alright." He places a hand on her shoulder. She shrugs him off.

"Get your hand off me."

Yuna stumbles over and picks up a staff. "This is going to be wonderful. Oops!"

The tip of her staff falls off. "The top came off Mr. Man" She brings it over to Rufus.

He looks at it for a moment then takes it from her. "Let me see this." He eyes it for a moment as he thinks of a way to make it work.

"Crazy glue will do. Here." He hands it back to her. She takes it.

"Okay." She says and wanders off to the tool box to find the glue.

Lulu is disgusted at this. "Oh for goodness sake," she turns to Rufus, "I have many, many magic spells. What do I need this for?"

"A few of those spells must be restricted, for your safety." Rufus replies.

Lulu throws her hands up. "Oh, Sir Auron, you know this is wrong, say something!"

Auron says nothing. This infuriates her more.

Wakka walks onto the field. "Hey, you guys weren't at Bazku's Burger Hut, where were you?"

"I hear they have great food there. Oh," Braska replies, "you're late. Stand over there."

Wakka looks around at the cameras and sound equipment and a huge smile grows on his face. "A SHOW!"

Lulu rolls her eyes. "What you didn't know? After all, to get here you had to pass the perimeter that was marked 'Halt! Show in Progress'"

Wakka squints at her. "Are you tryin' to hurt me?"

"So we gotta make this show interesting. You know, so we gain viewers." Tidus says to them.

Wakka raises his hand. "Aha! I know!" He takes out his boombox and pushes play.

He begins to dance and sing. "Oh my, starry eye surprise, sundown to sunrise, dance all night, we gonna dance all night to this DJ."

"Hey get away!" Zone backs away as Wakka tries to sing into the mike.

Rufus has gotten tired of the weird party. "Alright, that enough! Let's get rolling, I see some monsters besides…(we may not have the rights to that song). Go get them and remember intact specimens please. I'll be in contact via radio."

He walks over to the helicopter and hops on as it takes off. He hangs outside it long enough to warn them. "I'll be watching you."

The crew scrambles together as Braska gives them the signal to begin. We are on in three, two…" He gives the symbol that they are rolling. Tidus just blinks.

"We weren't taping that other stuff, were we?"

"You idiot! That's not important, here comes some monsters." Lulu snaps back.

Rikiku nods. "Two Nebrios and a Skoll heading our way."

Kimarhi grabs a dull spear and moves to the left. "Flame Flan and Shred from the other side."

"Maybe it would be best to split into two groups." Rikku advises Tidus.

Tidus cofirms the younger girl's idea.

"I'm going with Tidus!" Yuna shouts. Tidus rolls his eyes and signals for Kimarhi to follow him. Lulu, Wakka, and Rikku go in the other direction.

Wakka is still dancing and Rikku slaps his arm. "Wakka, stop it. We are in a dangerous battle."

He just brushes her off. "Aw man, come on, these guys don't scare me-

He gets stung by the Nebrios. "Owwww! Whoa dizzy…"

Yuna sees him and waves her staff. "It's alright Wakka… Esuna!"

But before her spell can be cast, a huge restriction barrier blocks her staff. She brings a hand to her mouth as if she said a bad word.

"Uh oh, I can't say that spell." She resumes her battle with the Nebrios.

"Don't worry buddy, I'll get back at it for you." Tidus promises, but Rikku warns him.

"Remember Tidus, it has to be intact."

Wakka is more concerned about his condition. "You guys I'm dyin' here!"

Tidus is too busy trying to kill the bug. "Rrrrgh! Get ever here you stupid bug!"

"You can do it, Tidus!" Yuna cheers. She just seems to be sitting on the grass clapping her hands.

Tidus shakes his head as he takes another swipe. It dodges easily and flies up into the air.

"It's too hard to catch it! It keeps flying away!" He nods to Kimarhi. "You have a better reach than I do, go for it!"

Kimarhi runs in to battle the Nebrios.

Meanwhile, Braska and Zone are a safe distance away catching the action. Braska can't be seen but Zone's boom stick picks up his conversation.

"Hmmm, this is a bit of a problem."

"What is?" Zone replies.

"It is a little difficult when they split into two groups like this. I think I'm going to need another cameraman."

"Oh…heh heh heh."

"What's so funny?"

Zone snickers. "I just remembered, Rufus said I could be in charge of music as well as sound. I've got some killer banjo music to go with this hoe down."

He puts on a CD labeled "bluegrass" and presses play. The fast-passes music blares out of three loud speakers and the two parties turn around, appalled.

Zone and Braska just snicker.

"No! You can't play that, Kimarhi's running in now!" Kimarhi refuses to fight with the music on.

Wakka gets up from where he was sitting and begins to dance. "Music!"

Yuna tries to stop him. "No! The poison will work faster!"

Lulu grabs her before she can reach him. "Shh1 Let's see where this goes."

Yuna doesn't get it. "Huh?"

"Oh shut up." Lulu pushes her back towards her party.

They resume fighting while Braska and Zone watch.

"How does Lulu do it?"

"Lulu? Oh, the girl with…yeah. I wonder how she stuffs all that into her dress."

"I was talking about her hair. I wonder how she puts it up. It must cost a fortune in hair products and sevices. How does she sleep in that?"

"Lemme see her."

"Whoa don't shake the camera. Way to go Rikku!"

"I don't think she sleeps in anything."

"Zone! She's just a kid! Have some decency!"

"No! I was saying Lulu sleeps naked!"

Lulu hears this. "WHAT?"

Yuna starts to get into the music and grabs Kimarhi's hand. "Come on Kimarhi let's dance!"

Kimarhi looks at her with desperation. "But Lady Yuna…"

Tidus bust out laughing. "HA HA! You gotta do what she says."

"B-but, er…"

"Kimarhi!" she pleads.

Kimarhi resists as much as he can. "Me? Dance? Urgm! Er! DAMMIT!"

He begins to dance with Yuna who giggles and twirls on her tip toes. Tidus can't stop laughing.

Meanwhile, poor Rikku is struggling to fight the monsters on her own. "You guys," she struggles out while striking the Skoll. "we're fighting here, remember?"

Tidus regains himself. "Sorry, I got it. The Nebrios are down!" He knocks the bugs out of the air and onto their backs. A crew of men with the logo "Monster Catchers" labeled on their white uniforms come out of nowhere and traps them. The monsters are pulled from the battlefield.

Rikku nods furiously. "GOOD! NOW HELP ME!"

Wakka finally tips over. "Ugh!"

Auron just watches in fascination as the Skoll comes over to the incapacitated Wakka.

Lulu pulls out a 'magic spell'. "Take this!" She throws it at the monster.

It breaks on the Skoll like a Molotov cocktail. It spreads a little onto Wakka.

"It's on fire…so it Wakka." Rikku gasps.

The Skoll shakes itself and rolls over on the ground. The fire fizzles out.

"That was cheap. Anybody could've made one of those and thrown it." Tidus shakes his head.

"Ya think?" Lulu retorts, pissed off.

Rikku slams a good hit on the Skoll and it goes unconscious. "Caught it! Whoo hoo! Score one for Rikku."

"Well I caught two Nebrios" Boasts Tidus.

"Awww!"

"AAARGH! Kimarhi could've done that!" Kimarhi shouts from where he is dancing.

Yuna just giggles. "I'm having so much fun!"

Braska shouts over to them. "That's great you guys, now just take care of that Flame Flan and Shred over by Zone."

"Over by what? Yikes!" Zone makes a run for it as he realizes how close the monsters were to him.

Tidus starts to run over. "I got it-AAH!"

Kimarhi pushes him over and runs toward the monsters. "No!"

"The Flame Flan needs to be weakened by ice magic. The Shred had to be hit with a piercing weapon." Rikku shouts.

"Ice magic, huh? Here's some ice magic." Lulu tosses a 'bag of ice spell' at it. It breaks and spills over it like liquid nitrogen. It freezes up solid.

"So stupid." She mutters.

Yuna jumps up and down. "Yay!"

"Way to go Lulu!" Rikku pumps her fist in the air.

Kimarhi tries to hit the shred, but it has no affect. Tidus tries to get a hit in, but Kimarhi keeps moving around.

"Move Kimarhi! We need a piercing weapon!

"I can see your underwear!" Zone shouts to Tidus.

"For real? (SHRIEK!)" Tidus screams, to everyone's amazement, like a girl.

It stuns the entire field. Kimarhi grabs his head. "Uhh, horrible!"

The frozen Flame Flan shatters.

"Ooh, I have a headache." Rikku moans.

Even the Shred shakes its head.

The scream didn't faze Yuna in the slightest. "I can't see his underwear."

Kimarhi is down on one knee. "Can't…fight…"

"Hey, my underwear isn't showing!" Tidus finally checks himself.

"No, really?" Zone bites back, regretting his joke.

Tidus looks over to Auron, who is taking a sip from his canister. "Old man, get over here. You have a piercing weapon."

Auron walks in. "As you wish…"

He takes out the Shred in one strike. Tidus grins. "Finally!"

Auron walks back to his spot, but not before throwing a pebble at Tidus.

"Hey!"

Rikku takes a look around, satisfied. "We did it!"

Braska shouts back to them. "Way to go! You guys are doing so good, that Malboro should be no problem!"

Tidus turns to the cameraman with fear. "WHAAAT?"

Rikku looks around frantically, hoping it's just a joke. "You're kidding, right?"

"I'm having so much fun." Yuna keeps repeating.

Kimarhi spots the green-tentacle plant monster. He shakes his head. "Kimarhi not wearing status protection."

"None of us are." Rikku moans.

Braska zooms in on the Malboro.

"I think we should feed it Wakka and make a run for it." Lulu says deadpanned.

"I don't want to die a virgin!" Zone wails.

The Malboro uses it's signature attack.

"RAAAAARRR!"

BAD BREATH!

The green gas goes everywhere. Everyone begins to yell and scream as they try to get away.

Zone gets dosed and wobbles in front of the camera. "Uh-! Wha-z nerf hayee you no burff!"

Rikku goes blind and mute. She tries to shout for help and stumbles and falls. Kimarhi has been confused and begins to spin around swinging his spear everywhere.

"HEE HEE HEE!"

Yuna takes off her underwear and goes running through the tall grass. (We're not sure if she was hit or not.)

Lulu is confused, asleep, mute, and poisoned. Tidus is blind, confused, berserk, and cursed. He takes his sword and hits Lulu. "Bambies spflingrrr mocadaca."

Lulu snaps out of it and runs away.

Wakka somehow wakes up groggily. "Wha-…Ssstarry eyed surrrpriiise?"

Braska has only gotten a whiff of it and begins to feel noxious. "Ugh…burp…feel sick…Pan right…Boxes on the coral sand, how the ocean sings…"

Rikku is wandering around for help not knowing she's being stalked. ("Help me!")

Auron staggers behind her. "Jecht you bastard! Sprffllejfjfigl!"

Lulu comes back with her doll. "Esuna!"

She breaks the restriction barrier. "Bag of Exit Spell!"

She throws a bag that breaks. Smoke fills the field and she grabs everyone and they make a run for it.

Meanwhile, Rufus is watching from a monitor in his office. He slams his fist down on his desk.

"How dare she! That is coming out of their pay!"

End.

Notes- How I love mayhem and massacre. Please let me know what you think. I am open to constructive criticism and comments. Thanks.


	2. Besaid

Chapter 2  
Yee Haw! It's time for another round of Monster Catchers! Um…yeah.

* * *

The crew jumps out of the vehicle that brought them to Besaid. A helicopter has already landed there and Rufus gets out.  
The crew is hesitant to greet him, but Wakka runs up to him without a pause. He grins maniacally.

"RAAR! I'm the ICE CREAM BEHEMOTH!"

Rufus shoves him out of the way. "You stop that immediately! Ahem!"

Everyone lines up to hear the mission. "Welcome everyone, I see you have recovered well from last time's Malboro attack."  
Rikku kicks a small stone and shrugs. "Well not really, ever since that attack. Without the proper spells to heal with some of us have some…unusual side effects still lingering."

Yuna scratches her head. "Really, because I feel just fine." Suddenly she lets out a high piercing scream. Everyone winces but says nothing. Yuna bats her eyes as if nothing happened. Rufus unplugs his ears. "Right, that's good. Listen up! I have a few words to say to you about our first show. You all are in big trouble for using restricted magic spells." He says this looking at Lulu.

Lulu throws her arms up in the air. "I had no choice!"

Rufus puts a hand up. "Silence! You also killed a flan. That's coming out of your pay."

"Aww, cripes!" Lulu growls.

"Speaking of your pay," he continues, "I'm taking a 4,000 gil cut for additional resources. This will cover the permit to shoot here and-

"New weapons?" Rikku asked hopefully.

"No, another cameraman. Folks, meet your new team member Jecht." Everyone's spirits sink as the old man comes stumbling out of the helicopter. He grins and raises a flask at them. "Hey, check this out! You guys got yourselves a star." He walks over and snatches up a camera. "Okay, let me turn this thing on."

Tidus stares at him in horror. "What? You can't do this! Not my old man!"

Jecht spins around and frowns. "You're here? Hey- Braska! Long time no see!" Jecht walks over to Braska and slaps him on the back. Braska gives him a polite smile, but inches away from him. "Hello Jecht, it has been a while…a long time. Here let me help you set up."

Lulu shakes her head in disgust. "As if this one wasn't enough, we've got another pervert aboard." Zone stands up and blinks with slight offense. "Aw, come on. If you would just give me a chance I can prove to you I'm more than just a perv- I mean-that's not what I meant to say-it's just-  
"Zip your fly up." Lulu mutters as she walks away from him.

"Oops!"

Jecht notices Lulu and zooms the camera in. "Whoa!"

Yuna taps Rufus' shoulder. "Um do I get a special spell thingy too?"

"You have potions and Phoenix Downs, don't you?" He replies dusting off his shoulder.

"Uh, okay."

"Hey, what about summoning Aeons?" Rikku asks, already knowing its hopeless. "Hmmm, we will have to make up a contract before we can allow them on the show." Rufus says.

Lulu throws down her water bottle and points a well manicured finger at him. "You know what? You're crazy! How are you going to get Aeons to sit down at a table and discuss a contract? That's just ridiculous!" Rufus shrugs. "Well, then that answers that. No Aeons. That's all I have for you. Oh!" Rufus walks over to a chest and pulls out a grey bag. "Here is your bag of spells. DON'T waste them." He hands it to Lulu. She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, dandy."

Rufus walks back as the helicopter started up. "Okay everyone get started. I want those monsters alive." The helicopter takes Rufus up in his trademark exit. "I'll be watching you."

Braska hoists the camera onto his shoulder. "Alright everyone, let's get into position." Zone turns the mike on. "Test, test…one, two, three. Uh, guys can I ask you something? I know I don't make 4,000 gil, I guess it's because I'm just the sound guy, but who got the cut?"  
Lulu glares at him. "We all did. No one here makes 4,000 gil." Zone sulks. "Oh, great."

Jecht shrugs. "Well no matter, at least I got what counts." He takes a sip from the flask and tucks it back into his jacket. Tidus shouts at him. "What do you think you're doing? You're getting drunk on the job!"

Rikku begins the show and offers her best smile to Braska's camera lens. "Well, here we are in Besaid looking for the native monsters in this region." Wakka jumps in. "Yeah, hey mom we're home!" Rikku circles around and continues. "Anyway, our mission today is to find a Dingo, Condor, and a Water Flan. That's sounds pretty easy, right guys?"

Wakka spins his ball on the tips of his index finger. "No problem."  
Jecht nudges Zone. "Hey, kid what's this job like anyway."  
Before he can reply Tidus snaps back. "Hey 'Dad', just work the camera okay?"

"Shut up, boy!"

Rikku pops a tic tac in her mouth and shakes her head as she closes the top. "We're gonna have to make our rations last."  
"When do we get to Besaid?" Yuna asks Lulu. Lulu pats her head softly. "Don't worry about that dear, just turn around and pick up your staff."  
"Okay." Yuna turns around and bends down to reach for her staff. Suddenly she stands up straight and turns to Lulu. "Oh Lulu, guess what?"  
The gothic girl lets out a sigh. "What is it?"

"I'm not wearing any underwear. Look!" The brunette lifts up her dress before any protests and flashes the team.

AAAAAHHH!!!!

"OH YEAH!" Jecht hoots in the back ground.  
Lulu snatches the other girl and forces the fabric down. "Put your dress down! Here wear these." "Those aren't mine."  
"They're mine, just put them on for now." She hands over the black pair of panties. "Braska! Tell me you're getting this!" Zone whispers to the older man. Braska is busy filming Rikku.  
"Getting what-HEY!" Zone tries to snatch the camera away from him. "Come on, just let me see it for a second."  
"Sorry Zone, but monsters are approaching and fast. Everyone let's begin." Braska manages to pull away from the eager teen.  
Zone sniffles in defeat. "Lulu's panties."

Tidus starts after the Dingo. "This one's mine. Come on, Yuna!"

Yuna nods and picks up her staff. "Okay, here I go. " She swings blindly and connects with her target. "Hiyaa!"  
"Ow!" Wakku rubs the top of his head where her broken staff head hit him and bounces to the ground.

Tidus has already gotten the dingo. "Take this!" His slash attack hits the dingo and it fades away. Rikku shakes her head. "It's weird how they just do that. Where do you think they go?"  
"To a little cage under the big red top." Lulu retorts.

Yuna holds a hand up to her forehead. "Whew! I'm tired, Kimarhi it's your turn." She sits down on the ground as Kimarhi shakes his head at her. Tidus grunts. "Huh, a water flan, Lulu this is yours."

Kimarhi keeps the flan back as Lula sighs and starts to rummage through her bag of spells. "Let's see what's in here….What the hell?" She growls and pulls out a cream colored pouch cover with smiley faces. "Here! Tickle Spell!"

The pouch explodes as it connects with the water flan. It begins to jiggles furiously making a weird noise. Everyone pauses for a moment, not knowing what to make of the situation. Lulu crosses her arms over her chest with a look of, 'what the hell are you staring at?'  
Braska shouts over to Jecht. "Make sure you're getting this Jecht. I don't see your recording light on." Zone walks closer to Braska. "Hey, I've got some music for this."

He presses a button on a remote controller and two speakers begin to blare Cajun Bluegrass. Kimarhi stops and throws a look of fury at Zone.

"Hey! GRRRRR!!"

Jecht had snuck up behind Lulu who in her disgust threw down her bag of spells and refuses to participate. "Those things are pretty impressive. Those are spells in a bag, huh? YOINK!" He snatches one out of the bag and walks over to Auron. "Hey what's your name again?"  
He sighs. "Auron." "Hey just your name, not your life story." He laughs at his own joke as Auron looks on with slight annoyance.  
He recovers and offers a blue pouch to him. "Wanna drink?" He holds up a water spell.  
Auron leans away from the cameraman that smell of alcohol. "I don't think that's a wise decision."  
"Suit yourself," Jecht brings the opening to his lips. "SSLLLUUURRRPPP!! Mmmm, tasty! Man that's designer quality stuff, not that crap bottled up in a reprocessing factory. See, it's just water after all."

Auron snatches up the bag just to get the guy off his back. "Alright, thank you Jecht." He takes a big swallow and begins to gag. Jecht lets out a raspy laugh. "Ha! Ha! Ha! You idiot I only pretended to drink it! You fell for it!"

Auron can't answer and continues to cough and choke. He falls over. Rikku looks over with concern. "Auron what's wrong?"  
Tidus throws a look of suspicion to he father. "What happened?" Jecht shugs. "I was only trying to help Lulu get rid of the stuff."  
Lulu spins around and picks up her bag. "Then I hope you're getting this because I'm doing this as hard as I can." She gives Jecht the finger.

"Ooh, saucy!"

Auron drags himself over to Braska. Kindly, Braska offers him a vial. "Here drink this, don't worry it's just a remedy. Sit over there and get better." Auron nods and swallows the tingly concoction, while Braska turns his attention to the fighting team. "You guys, stay focused. Two more monsters have caught whiff of us. Rikku, swell timing! Tidus, good reflexes! Go get them gang!"

Everyone turns to him and smiles. "ALL RIGHT!" They shout in unison.

Zone shakes his head in wonder. "Wow, You sound like their coach or something." Braska smiles. "Well, you've got to give moral support. Sometimes that's all you've got. It's always good to encourage."

Zone wipes a tear away. "Gosh, that's so moving. I wish I had a dad like you." Jecht overhears and butts in. "Hey, I'm a dad too! That's my turd over there."

"Shut up and don't call me names!" Tidus shouts back.

"But look at him! Hey wiener, your eyeliner is smudged! Heh, heh!"

Jecht laughs with him. "That's good!"

Lulu points to the sky. "Watch out! A condor's heading our way!" Wakka jumps up and down. "My show now, watch this!" He throws his blitz ball at the big bird and it explodes in puff of feathers. Rikku moans. "Wakka! Now we're gonna get in trouble!"

Wakka blinks in confusion. "Huh?"

"How the heck did that happen?" Tidus walks over to his blitz ball friend.

"I-I…don't know. I'm sorry man."

"It's okay, don't worry Kimarhi got one for us." Rikku gave Kimarhi a thumbs up. The blue furry comrade bows. "You are all welcome."

"Isn't he cute?" Yuna giggles.

"He's like one of those indoor/outdoor pets." Zone smiles goofily. Kimarhi throw down his spear. "That's it! Kimarhi will kill you!"  
Lulu holds up a hand. "No Kimarhi I'll kill him first. Then I'll revive him and then you can kill him."  
Zone jumps back and gulps.

Instead Lulu reaches into her bag and squints harshly at the water flan that has recovered from its laughing fit. "Let's finish this! Tarred and Feathered Spell!"

She throws the black pouch with feathers on it at the flan and a splash of tar and burst of feathers covers the flan. It struggles for a moment then disappears.

"You got it!" Rikku chirps jumping up and down.

"All right!" Tidus threw a fist into the air.

"Now we're going to get paid!" Rikku spun around. "What are you going to buy, Rikku?" Braska asked the young girl. She blinked and blushed. "Um, I was thinking of buying a present, for someone."

"I think we should buy our own upgrades." Tidus replies. Rikku's eyes widened. "Shh! We might get in trouble for saying that."

Wakka doesn't listen to her. "I want better stuff too!"

"Kimarhi wants a ticket out of here." He mutters to himself.

"I want underwear, Lulu's panties get stuck up my butt." Yuna says wiggling her rear end.

Zone is sitting cross-legged on the ground. "I want the super deluxe special edition of summer girls slumber party weekend magazine."

"I'd love a stay at a nice inn. A decent one." Lulu runs a small comb through her hair.

"Um well, that's all nice but guys? I'm going to say something and I don't mean to be rude, but what stinks?" "Any number of things?" Jecht added with a chuckle. Tidus was about to snap at him when he sniffed the air. "Wait…That stink is a bit familiar."

Rikku sniffs and then plugs her nose. "Yeah, he's right…" She gasps, "It can't be!"

A slimy noise comes from behind them. They all turn around and Wakka shudders. "That can't be possible! Malboros don't live here!" Jecht stares at the huge creature. "You got to be kidding!"

Wakka recovers and aims at the Malboro. "I've got the first shot."

Rikku shields herself. "No! Wakka let's just get-

He strikes the Malboro. It becomes furious and opens it's wide mouth to spew out the putrid gas that covers the entire field.

BAD BREATH!!!!

Tidus is the first to get hit with the attack. He opens his eyes and finds himself in a strange room. The walls are dark almost black but they have a green shine to them as he walks forward. He looks towards the front of the room. A malboro is sitting on a strange throne of wood and onyx. Tidus gasps. "What's going on?"

The Malboro nods. "You are in the house of Malboro."

Tidus lets out a squeak and points to it. "You can talk!"

"Yes." Malboro nods again. "Um…Okay, why are you doing this?"

"Your boss is an evil man. He only wants to capture all monsters so that we can be tortured and killed for profit." Tidus rubs the back of his head. "Gee, man I'm sorry…but this guy owns us! He's really powerful and we survive off his pay!" The Malboro brought up a tentacle to rub his chin. (Tidus didn't know he had one.) "Hmmm, it appears his treachery runs deep."

"We're really sorry. Is this why you attack us?"

"This is the only way to speak to you humans." As he speaks, the image begins to fade away. "Wait! Will we meet again?" Tidus shouts, but he cannot hear the answer as everything fades to black.

Meanwhile, Rikku finds herself being picked up by Braska. "Oh, Lord Braska you're so sweet. Can I get you more tea?"

Braska smiles. "uoy knahT"

Rikku looks at him with confusion. "I'm sorry I couldn't understand."

".yako stI"

Rikku's eyes begin to water. "You're talking funny. You're making fun of me, aren't you? I knew it!" Braska shakes his head. "!yllair, ti ton staht, oN"

Rikku sniffs. "Somehow I knew it!" She begins to cry. The kind man puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. ".yrc t'noD"

Zone was passed out and Jecht was picking his pockets. Kimarhi stood paralyzed and sick to his stomach. Tidus comes out of nowhere. "Hey guys listen up I-

He spots Wakka and gapes at him. Wakka's head is a blitz ball. "Don't ask." He said from within the ball.

"Uh, I got to tell you the Malboro is trying to enlighten us! We must be exposed to the gas for them to speak to us."

"Somehow I hope not." Wakka replies. "Hey," Rikku snaps out of her crying fit, but gasps when she sees Wakka. "I said don't ask!" He replies.  
"We need to get out of here!" She continues. Lulu steps over to them. Tidus looks over at her. "What happened to you?"  
"Nothing, I was just over there. Let's grab everybody that's out of it and get out of here."

".ereh revO" Braska motions to the van, somehow he got everything packed up and started the engine. Wakka runs up to the driver side a slaps him on the shoulder. "Great idea! I don't know what you said, but we should all hop in this van and burn rubber!"

"?uoy ot deneppah tahW"

"HUH?"

Everyone piles in the van. The Malboro watches silently as the sun sets behind him.

Notes- Whew! These stories are so long, but I have such fun coming up with them. Still, another chapter done. What is King Malboro trying to do? Will they have more successful captures? How did Wakka's head become a ball? Stay tuned!


End file.
